Welcome back to the PickSix following a much-needed bye week.

Like the P-6, some teams are catching a bye at the right time, like the limping Cowboys. Others could use an extra week off, like the wounded Steelers who have already gone through two injured punters this year. And others, like the Bengals and Lions, have been living as if life were one long bye week, so they should be well rested for the latter half of the NFL season.

With every team having reached the midway point of their schedule, we were tempted to return with a Front Seven mocking the over-hyped teams of the preseason (i.e. Cleveland, Minnesota, Jacksonville, Detroit). But that wouldn't be very nice.

Actually, we don't care about not being nice, but in honor of the P-6's awesome girlfriend — Grace "G-6" Hood — getting a primo radio reporting gig at KUNC and providing kick-ass election coverage, this week the P-6 has decided to go with an audio round for the Front Seven.

And no, that doesn't mean that it's available as an audio file. That's a technology a bit too advanced for our glorious 1996 HTML capabilities. I doubt I could even express it in the form of an annoying MIDI file that tapped out Morse Code.

So, close your eyes. No, wait, open them to read, but imagine your eyes are closed and you're listening to the sounds that the P-6 heard this past weekend.

Front Seven

Hot reads

Celebrate good times, and we're not talking about the burger joint: The biggest winner this past weekend wasn't the Titans or the Bengals, though both scored major victories. The biggest winner was the U.S. of A. Some readers may disagree with the P-6's Flaming Liberal politics, and that's cool. But there's no denying that Tuesday was an absolutely historic moment in American history.

Gracious in defeat: One of the great traditions in football is that, unlike in other sports, after battling for three hours the opponents gather at midfield to shake hands, hug and slap each other's butts. It's the finest show of sportsmanship there is. Same goes for John McCain's concession speech, which was one of class and grace. In the five presidential elections the P-6 has been a part of, McCain is probably our third favorite candidate (behind Bill and Barack), and the only Republican candidate that, had he won, it wouldn't have felt like the sky was falling. (Confession: We'd have voted for him over Gore in 2000, had he won the Republican nod.) Though we differ on some issues, McCain is a dignified public servant for whom we have massive respect, and not a selection we would have bashed had he won.

Not so much: We have less than zero respect for racists who have opposed Obama not because of his politics but because of the color of his skin. Such as the four white punks in New York who allegedly beat a black Muslim teenager with baseball bats because they were infuriated over Obama's victory. Or the students who perpetrated a string of racially charged incidents on the Baylor campus in Texas, including hanging a noose from a tree outside a dorm. Or the racist fucks who hung a life-sized effigy of Obama from a tree at the University of Kentucky. Or the misguided Facebook posting of former Texas Longhorns center Buck Burnette, which ostensibly endorsed hunting blacks for sport, or so it seems from the way it was worded. (We'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that the gun reference was a response to fears of gun control and that it was simply bad grammar that turned it into a call for assassination, but taken literally…)

The P-6 comes from a very racist hometown, and we're proud to recount the tale of a close friend who voted for the first time in his life on Tuesday, casting his vote for Obama. He was inspired to get out and vote, he said, because he was sick of hearing every local redneck brag repeatedly about how they would "never vote for a nigger."

To all the racists out there, the P-6 leaves you with a line from one of our favorite bands, the anarchist Canadian punk group Propagandhi and their song "The Only Good Fascist is a Very Dead Fascist": "This one's for the master race / My brown power ass in your white power face."

Hear, Hear: We are 100 percent behind Obama's call for a playoff in college football. Then again, aren't all smart people agreed on this topic?

Uniform metaphor?: While the Broncos' team colors have been orange and blue since 1962, anyone else notice how the Broncos' uniforms have reflected the state's political leanings? For years, Colorado was bright red on Election Day, and at the same time the team's home jerseys were bright orange, which, in that old grainy footage, look kinda red. In the 1990s, an influx of youth into the state, especially along the Front Range, started the process of turning Colorado blue, which has been realized in the 2006 and 2008 elections. Coincidence, then, that during this influx of blue-leaning residents (including the P-6) the Broncos changed their uniforms so that the home jerseys are dark blue? Actually, yeah, that is entirely coincidental. Elway's 1997 jersey has nothing to do with politics in 2008 (besides, Elway — or Jesus, as he is known in these parts — endorsed McCain). But hey, where's the fun in being rational? We're trying to do material here, people.

Douchebag of the week: Brandon Marshall. You just got your ass smoked by the Dolphins and Joey Porter, and you want to talk smack about Porter the next day, when he's safely back in Miami? What are your great accomplishments, Marshall? Porter was the emotional and defensive leader of a team that won the Super Bowl two years ago. You got a ring? A playoff win? A playoff appearance? None of the above, my friend. You're best known for putting your fist through a TV, which put you on the sidelines. Joey — the man you called "soft" — got his ass shot (literally) and was back on the field after missing only two games.

Your professional legacy thus far: Nearly a dozen police trips to your home since 2006, including one for domestic violence (the Denver Post reports that you've punched, stabbed and thrown a rock at your girlfriend); a DUI; involvement in the shooting death of teammate Darrent Williams (a situation allegedly escalated by you and your cousin, according to a Rocky Mountain News article); and an impending court case in Georgia for yet another battery charge. Keep running your mouth, douchebag. And I'd keep an eye on that 2009 schedule. You'd better hope it doesn't involve the Dolphins, because Joey loves whooping up on punk-ass bitches like you.

All Porter, all the time: And since we can't get enough of Joey Porter, we love that our man was back in Colorado for a game at his alma mater last week. He's so ubiquitous that he received an excessive celebration penalty in the game. Sweet. You can't stop this guy. You can only hope to contain him. But why would you want to?

Dropping in the polls: The P-6's picks are not as popular as Obama this November, that's for sure. After a strong start, the P-6 dropped a 2-4 bomb two weeks ago, bringing our season total to 27-21. Not good. But with some help from those audible teams listed above, and a restful bye week, we'll right the ship as we head down the backstretch of the NFL season.

Six Pack

Jacksonville vs. Detroit

The Jags will make history if they lose. They won't.

P-6 picks: Jacksonville

Seattle vs. Miami

Holmgren might as well start stocking the shelves.

P-6 picks: Miami

Carolina vs. Oakland

Unlike the Al Franken-Norm Coleman barnburner, there ain't no recount needed in this race. It's gonna be a landslide.

P-6 picks: Carolina

Indianapolis vs. Pittsburgh

This looked like prime battleground territory when the schedule was released earlier this year. But who expected a potential AFC South rehash with Manning v. Leftwich?

P-6 picks: Pittsburgh

San Francisco vs. Arizona

McCain's home state finally does pull out the big win — a week too late.

P-6 picks: Arizona

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